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Updated: Jul 15, 2020

"They never had good intentions!"

While most people deny being a liar, they do admit to having lied a few times. What makes us lie to others or more importantly what makes us lie to ourselves?

The average person spends approximately 2-5 years in a relationship going nowhere. Think about 30 years broken up into 2-5 years: (16-18-20-22-24-26), (27-29-31-33-35-37), (38-40-42-44-46-48). How long does it take to decide on someone? It all depends on the intentions of the heart. Merriam Webster says, "a liar is someone who tells lies." However, the King James Bible dictionary says, "one who declares to another as a fact what he knows to be not true, and with an intention to deceive him." A liar deliberately withholds the truth to make you believe a lie. Satan is the "father of lies," and his children follow his lead. Did you hear that? A liar deliberately withholds the truth in order to make you believe a lie. Satan is the "father of lies," and his children follow his lead.

It's not easy to detect a lie from a liar. It takes a special kind of light to shine through their hidden agenda. He said he wanted a wife. I asked God not to let him deceive me. A question I asked my Pastor years ago came to mind. "HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO KNOW WHETHER A MAN IS INTERESTED." My Pastor thought carefully before answering, "two weeks." Two weeks, I thought to myself. Two weeks? I repeated in my mind. I disagreed with my leader but did not dare to tell him. I ignored my Pastor and found myself in the friendship zone, waiting for that man to decide about me. I eventually made it out at a cost, but refuse to pay that price again. This time, I was humbled and told God that I wanted to adhere to the wisdom I rejected the first time.

It took years for God to help me understand that my Pastor was not referring to the time it takes to learn about someone. Or the time it takes to know their motives, but the time it takes to form an attachment to someone. It's hard to break attachments. Did you know after conception, there is a two-week stage where everything about a baby gets determined? It's called the germinal period (mitosis), where the zygote divides into multiple cells to form the baby's heart, kidney, and so on. "The germinal period will last approximately fourteen days, after which the embryonic period will begin." Cherry, 2020.

Looking back, I missed this fourteen-day period a lot of times. A colleague once told me, "you only get disappointed when you expect something. If you don't expect anything there's no need to feel disappointed." That woke me up. He was right. But then it hit me, people, who don't expect anything are not willing to give you anything unselfishly. No affection, no attention, no protection, no commitment, no love.

Somehow God was testing my senses. Because, to be a writer, teacher, and speaker of truth, I have to be fully exercised in discerning a lie. We reached the two-week stage. His casual conversations felt stealth, "a cautious, unobtrusive, and secretive way of moving or proceeding intended to avoid detection." What was he secretly hiding? Most likely, his intentions. I stopped responding, but he kept prowling around like a lion searching for prey.

I thought about it, why should I invest time and energy in someone who showed just enough interest to keep me waiting on the sidelines for him to decide about me. Was I supposed to stop pursuing my dreams, goals, ambitions, purpose, and destiny? I was able to think clearly because my emotions were not tangled up. Only liars want secret relationships. They want to hide you from public view while they privately inbox, text message, and Dm' you. These tactics are the germinal stage and serve a temporary purpose. If you are stuck in the germinal process at the embryo stage, something is wrong with the pregnancy. It will eventually abort, or come out deformed.

So the next time you find yourself wasting time in a 2-5 year relationship in the germinal stage, chances are you chose to believe a lie and rejected the truth.

Leave a comment, Talk Up-close & Personal with LA.


Cherry, Kendra. The Importance of the Zygote Phase of Reproduction. 2020, January 26.

Definitions from webster's American Dictionary of the English Language, 1828. Website ©2020

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