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Incompatible Choices

Updated: Jul 15, 2020

Why do you want them by your side?

For years, I convinced myself that I needed a husband to help me raise my three-year-old daughter. Well, my daughter is now 23, beautifully married, and I am still single. Obviously, my motive behind marriage was wrong, and not only could I raise her without a man by my side--I did. This is not meant to demise the male role, but to discourage settling for incompatible people for sex, money, or any other weak motive. Have you ever found yourself saying... she deserves better than that, or he can do so much better, only to find yourself in the same predicament? Yep, we condemn others for what we allow ourselves.  

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Just like a lion is not compatible to a cheetah, so, you can see when two people are incompatible in character. Of course, I had to look this information up. I got on the internet and typed, "are lions and cheetahs compatible?" Google said, “No!” First off, they’re genetically from two separate genus, Lions being from Panthera and Cheetahs being from Acinonyx.” Dollarhide, Evan. 2017. Then, I remembered the scripture. “God made all sorts of wild animals, livestock, and small animals, each able to produce offspring of the same kind.” Genesis 1:25, NLT. That simply means God made everything compatible to mate its own kind. Likewise, it is very possible to be a man or a woman, but incompatible in character. For more proof, let’s consider the following bible story.  

"A certain man in Maon, who had property there at Carmel, was very wealthy. He had a thousand goats and three thousand sheep, which he was shearing in Carmel. His name was Nabal and his wife’s name was Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband was surly (crude) and mean in his dealings—he was a Calebite.” I Samuel 25:2-3, NIV.

The bible does not tell us how or when Abigail and Nabal married, but some researchers have speculated that it may have been a political marriage, or business agreement between the families. Either way the bible goes out of its way to let us know that Abigail was intelligent and beautiful, but her husband Nabal was surly (crude) and mean in his nature. In basic terms, they were incompatible in character.  

According to the text:

Samuel, Israel’s Prophet had died. David was waiting to take the throne, but was hiding in a cave with his soldiers from King Saul. While in hiding, David and his men protected Nabal’s property in the wilderness without him knowing out of kindness. After exhausting their resources, David and his men needed food. David, who was well known throughout the kingdom, sent messengers to Nabal blessing his house and asking for food. Nabal, although rich, refused to give them anything to eat, and insulted David’s name and Kingship. Nabal’s servant was terrified, went to Abigail and testified of David’s kindness, letting her know that King David was furious with her husband Nabal, and was coming to slaughter his entire household. In his report, the servant told Abigail, “He is such a wicked man that no one can talk to him.” Abigail who knew of David, and the prophesy for him to become king, had to think quick. She ordered food to be prepared for King David and his men, and went out to meet them. She found them, bowed down, and pleaded for forgiveness. And said, “He is just like his name—his name means Fool, and folly goes with him.” David said to Abigail, “Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me. May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands.” I Samuel 25:32-33, NIV.

David listened to Abigail, accepted her peace offering and left. When Abigail got home Nabal was drunk and partying with friends. So, she left Nabal alone until morning. Can we think about the kind of person Nabal was? Unreasonable, obnoxious, arrogant, and we could go on. But what happens when the person we are with fits this description, or even worse, what if we fit this description? I’ve had a few close calls myself.

The bible cautioned me, "Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul." Proverbs 22:24-25, NLT. I kept my Wrong Luv a secret, fearing those who knew me best would not approve. He was so mean in nature. Full of anger, dangerously defiant, stubborn and hard. I remember thinking if I know he is all of these things, why am I willing to be with him? He had some sweet moments, and I believed my love could change him. I laugh now, because I understand people change when they get tired of themselves. And those who refuse to change are most dangerous to you. His destructive vulgar side was not compatible to my compassionate nurturing side. My self-esteem dropped drastically, as his boogie man side caged me. I ignored my first exit and had to wait for the Lord to give me another one.

As far as, Abigail and Nabal, the next morning after he was sober, she let her husband know what she had done to save their house from King David’s slaughter. The bible says, Nabal’s heart failed and he was like a stone. Ten days later, God struck Nabal and he died. When King David heard about the report, he sent word to Abigail and praised her for her wisdom in keeping him from getting his own revenge. David then asked her to come and be his wife. She accepted, and had finally found her compatible companion.

A few Good Points:

  • Don't  end up with a fool. People who are unreasonable do not hear logic. 

  • Never play the fool. Lying to yourself is worse than someone lying to you. 

  • Always consult God. Trust the gut God gave you. Early warning signs can prevent a lifetime of pain.

  • Wait, on Time. Get past the excitement. Have a real conversation about your values for God, life, others and yourself.

  • Be kind. Don't become the very thing you despise. Anger is learned behavior, don't let it trap you inside the cage.

Right a comment below, let me know if the article engaged your heart, challenged your mind, or penetrated your soul.

So, why do you want to get married to someone incompatible? Listen to this powerful link. (I do not own the rights).

To find out more about my Wrong Luv relationship click my book link. Every story has a climax.


Dollarhide, Evan. 2017.

Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

All rights reserved, original content La Cherie Armour, LA~ Truth Brand 2020.

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